Retro Game Review – Tag Team Pro Wrestling (NES)

Written by Jack Sawyer. Posted in Games

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Published on May 10, 2012 with No Comments

We have such a nostalgic view of the good old NES. We remember that Nintendo seal of approval MEANING something, dammit.

It meant that the game you were getting met a standard of quality… A standard of excellence.

Oh how naive we were.

Tag Team Pro Wrestling, not to be confused with the far superior ‘Pro Wrestling’, was vomited into this fair world by Data East, a company that obviously had very little respect for the vaunted Nintendo Seal of Approval. Data East, developers of critically acclaimed titles such as “Bad Dudes” somehow felt the need to burden the planet with the “Ricky Fighters”.

For that, we are eternally grateful. And by grateful, I mean we want to stab them all in the eyes with pitchforks.

That video should tell you everything about why this game is an awful piece of dung. For one thing, screw this whole grappling system nonsense! Once you tie up, you pick your moves from a list. A LIST, PEOPLE. And not even a GOOD list. It’s a list of shortened wrestling moves such as “B. Atac”. Even if you are familiar with wrestling move names, you’ll have no idea what the hell you’re doing.

That’s right, kids. Tag Team Wrestling invented List Based Gameplay. Quake in fear at the innovation.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the graphics look like something my little sister dreamed up in Kindergarten Arts and Crafts Fingerpainting. The Moves essentially consist of jerky 2-frame animations with wrestlers teleporting around to emulate a “slam”. What a lazy-ass cash grab.

The only good thing to come out of this game was that it introduced the world to the “Strong Bads”… a name so ridiculous that it lives to this very day in infamy (See Homestar Runner and Strong Bad Games).

All in all, this is the perfect example of how to fart a game out with minimal effort and investment, hoping to make a quick buck off some unsespecting kids that do not have access to these little things called reviews. Shame on you, Data East. May you go bankrupt and… Oh, they did?

Um. Ok then.

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