Aresmen Old School Retro TV Review – Captain Planet

Written by Francois Dufour. Posted in Television, Videos

Tagged: , , , , ,

Published on January 30, 2012 with No Comments

Hahaha. This show was hilarious. I’m not going to give a ton of backstory and analyze it, since you can find a lot of that stuff online. Rather, I’m going to give you my impressions of what I actually thought of this ridiculous show when I watched it back in the day.

So here’s the premise. Gaia, the spirit of the Earth (Whoopi Goldberg, I shit you not), wakes up one day randomly and decides that we’re polluting the Earth too much! Oh Noes! She has Alpha find five teenagers with Attitudes to battle Rita and… no… wrong show. Let’s try this again.

She finds five teenagers with attitudes from around the Earth on her own, since she isn’t a lazy bitch like Zordon, and decides to send them out into the world and fight the evils of pollution (and occasionally AIDS.) They gain the powers of the 5 elements. Earth, Fire, Wind, Water, and Heart (snicker). When they combine their powers, they create a superhero known as Deus Ex Machina Captain Planet, who pretty much singlehandedly defeats whatever the Planeteers are up against in any given episode.

The Planeteers are:

Kwame: From Africa, with the power of Earth. As a kid, I was pretty neutral towards him. he seemed to be the defacto leader of the group since he was actually level-headed

Wheeler: From North America, with the power of FIRE. HELL YEAH. I won’t lie. Wheeler was my favorite as a kid. I don’t care if he’s annoying to listen to and sounds like Link from the Legend of Zelda cartoon. He was awesome and used fire, so there.

Linka: From the Soviet Union with the power of wind. Linka was hot. Her accent was totally awesome. In Soviet Union, Planet Pollutes You!

Gi: Power of Water from Thailand. Not too much to say here.

Ma-Ti: With the power of. Hear… hea… Ha ha ha ha ha ha. I’m sorry. I can’t even say it with a straight face. When I was a kid, EVERYONE made fun of Ma-ti. He was useless. USELESS. It was great. Never had such a great cartoon whipping boy existed.

I can’t really do justice to how over-the-top, hackneyed, and anvilicious this show can get. It has bad guys with such subtle names as “Looten Plunder, Captain Pollution, Dr. Blight, Verminous Skumm, Duke Nukem (It’s time to kick ass, and chew bubblegum… and I’m all outta gum), etc, etc. As you’d expect, this show didn’t exactly tackle it’s PSA-like issues in a way that didn’t make you laugh at how terribly ridiculous it was.

But you watched it. Admit it. Because… you know… FIRE.

Ahahahaha. Heart.

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