Aresmen Retro Movie Review – The Lion King

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Published on April 20, 2012 with No Comments

-Be Prepared!

-Be prepared for what?

-The Aresmen Lion King Review!

-Why should I care about that?

-I bet you’d care if I sang about it in a smarmy british accent. Asshole.

Welcome to the Aresmen retro review of Lion King to cap off our horribly creepy edition of… Disney Week. In reality, I don’t have to even write anything here. I could just wax poetic about bunnies and post random clips from the film because everyone knows it’s awesome. But I won’t… because… well, because I don’t want to get fired from this incredibly cushy writing job.

It’s not by any means the perfect movie. Criticism could definitely be levied at it, but the film is pretty damn well near bulletproof.

See, watch this. Gibberish Gibberish Blah Blah… rough production history… wokka wokka Ripoff of Hamlet blah blah… Ripoff of Kimba the White Lion, Moan Moan Pointless Comic Relief… Blah Blah lack of originality… and…

Bam. Circle of Life. Nothing you can do. This film deflects all negativity and naysaying because:

a) We’re all incredibly nostalgic about it.
b) It’s fucking pretty.
c) It’s timeless and speaks to universal themes that resonate with everyone.
d) It’s just plain fun
d) We’re all really fucking nostalgic about it and it’s super mega ultra pretty.

The Lion King was a perfect storm. It doesn’t matter if you were male or female… If you were a kid in the 90s, you watched this flick. If you were a parent dragging your kid to watch the Lion King, you likely enjoyed it. Anyone who says they didn’t is a curmudgeon. Yes, I went there. Thems is fighting words.

So that’s it for analysis. The movie was awesome.










So let’s delve deeper into random nonsense that no one cares about! Whee!

-Jeremy Irons as Scar? Interesting choice to play him ultra snooty and clearly gay, but it.. somehow… works?

-Did you Know James Earl Jones and Madge Sinclair, the voice of Sarabi played another Mom and Dad in Coming to America? Now if only Eddie Murphy had played Simba and NOT Matthew Broderick. THAT would have been interesting.

Awesome video breaaaaak!

-I love how Africa landscape seems to magically change depending on whether the king is a douche or not.

I wonder what that would be like in real life?


Hehe. Potshot!

-The Most Hilarious thing about Lion King was how the studio thought it was going  to be a small B movie while Pocahontas was going to be a big, sweeping majestic film that would break box office records and cure cancer. Studio Execs are retards.

And that’s it for me. Enjoy the arbitrary rating!

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