Dating Tips Mailbag – My Answers to Your Dating Questions

Written by The Dating Doctor. Posted in Dating and Pickup

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Published on June 16, 2012 with 3 Comments

Howdy, guys and gals. Welcome to Dating Tips starring the one and only Dating Doctor. Today, I feel ultra lazy, so I’ll let you, my wonderful readers, do all my work for me. Today shall be the day I answer your lovely e-mails. Please note most of these are cleaned up for grammar.

Ahem.

Cleo writes:

-Guys and girls can be friends! I have plenty of guy friends and I’m sure none of them want to sleep with me. 

Well, Cleo, you’re likely ugly.

Just kidding. Well, Cleo, if you are cute, and have legitimate single guy friends that would not sleep with you if they were afforded the availability, good on you. There are no absolutes in this world.

Think about this though. If they were really afforded an opportunity to sleep with you… I mean REALLY, as in, they were in a Hotel room with you and you were bearing down on them with your naughty bits out, would they? Food for thought.

Aileen Writes:

You’re just a misogynist. You think treating women like garbage will get them to like you? It’s disgusting PUA crap like that that makes it so hard to date. Guys should just be themselves. If two people click, then it will happen. 

Gentlemen, this is exactly the kind of thing we’re up against every day.

Aileen, it is not misogynistic to tell people that women and men think differently. I do not advocate treating anyone like crap. You must respect everyone. However, there are behaviors that are attractive to the opposite sex and behaviors that are not.

Being a wussy is not an attractive behavior. You have to know what to say to women. You have to know how to act with women. And you have to be a confident, interesting man. Some people already have the tools to do that. Some don’t That’s what I’m here to help with.

As for being yourself, I agree with you. Everyone should be themselves. However, they should be their best self. They should not be the self that sits in a basement and plays Worlds of Warcraft. They should be the self that is confident. That is well-dressed. That knows how to speak to women to reach them at an emotional level.

I never advocate changing who you are… Only improving your life.

Mark writes:

I have this one girl I kind of like, but I think I’m friend zoned. How do I get out?

Depends how deep in the friend zone you are. I’m not fully aware of your situation, but if you’re not too far down the rabbit hole, the easiest way to go about it is to ask her out. I’d do it in the following manner:

“Hey, let’s go on a date.”

Normally, I’d never advocate saying something like that to a girl. I’d say “let’s go grab a drink”. However, since you’re trying to get out of the friend zone, she needs a bit of a jolt.

Now, you have to say this in a calm, serious tone as if you’re talking about the weather. If she says “no” or something banal like “it would ruin our friendship”, just say “Okay then” and move on.

Then, cut off contact with her for a while. This will kill the friendship and then you can re-approach her later on as just a romantic suitor. If it doesn’t work out… well… never obsess too much over one girl. That is the downfall of every man. Move on to the next one. There are billions out there.

Till next time, good luck out there, Gentlemen. We’re all counting on you.

3 Comments

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  1. You really don’t see why the things you say are considered misogynistic? Here’s the problem with your advice concerning the friend-zone: you assume that being friends with a woman without having a sexual relationship is a bad thing, a waste of time maybe. Your suggestion that men should cut off their female friends to kill the friendship, so they can “approach as a romantic suitor” (ie, have sex with them) is terrible. You are enforcing the idea that women are sexual objects with no higher purpose than to give men pleasure. If a woman says no to you romantically or sexually when you are friends, she sure as hell is not going to say yes after you cut off communication with her, essentially abandoning her for not letting you use her body. If a women puts you in the dreaded friend-zone, it might just mean she cares about you. Abandoning her friendship shows that you don’t care about her. And that means you will probably never get what you want from her. Which I guess is probably for the best if all you really want from her is sex.
    Bottom line, having an attitude like yours is not going to make women want to date you. I would never sleep with or date a man who ended a friendship with a woman only because she didn’t consent to a sexual relationship. If being friends with a woman is such a terrible thing in your opinion, well then, enjoy loneliness. Remember, respect is sexy.

  2. Just think of it from the woman’s perspective: You have a good friend. He’s of your preferred gender, but you either are not attracted to him, or you just got out of a relationship and aren’t ready for another one, or you were sexually molested in the past and have difficulty with intimacy, or you are simply happier single, or any other reason that makes it so you do not want any relationship besides a friendship with him. He asks you out. You say no. He stops talking to you. You realize he only ever wanted a physical relationship and without that, he just doesn’t give a fuck about you. Then he comes back, only to ask you out again. Why would a woman say yes to this guy second time round? She probably wouldn’t…because he’s a jerk.

  3. Wow Jenny. First off, I have to tell you I don’t come from a woman’s perspective. I come from a man’s.

    Secondly, the main situation I’m looking at when it comes to the friend zone is when a man is attracted to a woman, but is friend zoned. This could mean sex OR wanting a relationship.

    There’s also a difference between “ending the friendship” and putting yourself out of the picture for awhile. Not everything is as melodramatic as you make it out to be.

    Good luck with your lovelife, hun :)

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